I’ve been feeling this sense of expectancy/excited joy for a long time – maybe as long as a year ago I was beginning to feel it… like since Passover last year, definitely since Shavuot last year… and it just keeps growing. Since the deliverance from some generational strongholds and taking authority over my family a few weeks ago, dedicating us to YHVH as Joshua did, in saying, “as for me and my House we will serve YHVH – we are set apart to Him and His work”; I just have a tough time containing it.
Sure, since last year, there have been dirty days – days of housework and homeschooling and gardening. Days of pain and tears. When I talk, I talk about the good, the bad, the ugly. I don’t always have this excited joy just gushing from me…
However, it’s always very close to the surface.
I don’t know if I can even explain it. It’s a joy that passeth all understanding. It’s a hope of good things happening NOW, good things happening soon, the Kingdom coming. It’s a spiritual sense that “Aslan is on the move”! in a BIG way. Not only in my life, but the lives of my friends, family and the world. It comes with a peace, a shalom even in the midst of the stresses – which I do talk about and process, but still those things don’t touch the deep shalom underneath.
A friend yesterday said, “What I hear you saying is there is an untouchable place in you. The place where YHVH dwells, and where your identity finds it’s foundation.” At first, I was thinking, “no, I’m touchable, things hurt deeply”… but he’s right, Where YHVH dwells in Me, that pain may reach, but it doesn’t transform the Me in Him. It might make my flesh react, it might hurt for a while, but it doesn’t change my identity in Him, nor the peace within that identity.
I know that friends have watched my journey and had a hard time with some of my choices – especially my choices to take a serious look at the Feasts of YHVH and the Torah. They see me walking away from SDA doctrine (which is scary for an SDA who believes the SDA church to be the remnant, and that to walk away would be to apostatize) and also walking a fine line of being at risk of or having fallen into legalism. While I am coming to further understand the law, and understand the arguments relating to the law and expect that in time, given my particular gifts, I’ll be able to debate as an attorney would, the finer points of the “law” of YHVH’s Love expressed within Torah; the joy and peace of YHVH while asking for further healing and change and repentance in my life, would not be evident if I were falling into the hands of the spirit of legalism. That fruit of the Spirit just wouldn’t be here.
There is still much pruning in my life that needs to happen, so that I’m a better mom, a better teacher, a better witness – However, He has pruned and my core is bearing the fruit of Expectant Hope in Him which is just incredible! It truly is overflowing!!
I pray that you each are filled with the Hope and Knowing that He is ON the MOVE!! He is preparing His Bride! and It’s Exciting!!!