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The Wedding Feast to come – Thoughts going into this Fall Season of YHVH’s Feasts

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The New Moon was sighted from Israel on the evening of Sept 17, 2012, marking the beginning of the 7th month in Yehovah’s calendar AND the beginning of the Fall Feasts, starting with Yom Teruah, or Feast of Trumpets.  The Feast of Trumpets, as I shared, in “Potatoes and the Moon” has themes of both “Judgement is coming” (as 10 days later comes the day of Atonement) and “The Bridegroom Cometh”.

We celebrated on the closing eve of the 24 hr period of Yom Teruah, yesterday evening.  We’d had torrential rain for much of those 24 hours, so, to plan a picnic, high up in a mountain subdivision, on an empty lot, could be considered, I suppose, rather presumptuous, but I was praying and believing for good weather. And, we had it!  The sky had begun to clear, and the sun was actually visible for a while, as were the stars later.  Just before we sat down to eat,  a line of rain began moving toward us.  More prayer, More believing, and some blowing of shofars in faith; and we sat down to eat, and watch as the clouds in front of us and to the north simply dissipated as they hit the ridge just in front of us, and the clouds to our south moved further south, all the while, dumping rain. We caught enough sprinkles to be absolutely grateful for His handiwork in keeping the rain away!   The sun set, and we got glimpses of rose rimmed clouds as we talked over delicious food, around a lovely fire.


And then –  my Dad was the first to see it, The New MOON!!  HalleluYah! We had 15 minutes of sighting, before it slipped behind clouds.  Out came the shofars, pitched closely enough to be truly harmonious, and the call rang out across the valleys and hills below our little fellowship, and echoed off the homes in the mountain subdivision.

Each year, as I enter this season of the Fall Feasts, I have a slightly different focus, perspective, line of thought.  Three years ago, it was entering into the repentance of Atonement, two years ago, it was the tumbling house of cards of doctrines I was raised with, Last year it was the drawing of ragged painful, breaths and trying to find footing in my new circumstances.
This year… This year is vastly different.

The true Lover of our souls has been romancing and loving me so very well this entire year (just watch the video in the previous blog entry – every slide contains bits of His gifts and love from the last year)!  Yes, there’s been a lot of pain, a lot of grieving, a lot of surrender, and frankly, a daily choice to obey – both His word in Scripture, and His voice within – which doesn’t come easy. I’ve had choices to make, boundaries to hold, communication to make crystal clear, a heart to surrender to the mending, and two boys to raise.  It’s not been every day sunshine and roses… BUT, it has been every day full of His Spirit even in the midst of the hard, His Shalom which settled me in the midst of the angst.

So, it’s little wonder, that this season’s theme began for me, back at the beginning of the 6th month when I read an article about the 6th month, that of Elul, being about Love, Romance and the turning of Hearts toward one another.  Next came the incredible testimony broadcast by Passion for Truth via livestream & YouTube, of Aaron and Tricia Leu  (http://loveawakened.com/LOVE_AWAKENED/HOME.html) . As Aaron told about Tricia’s preparations in the days before her wedding, I heard YHVH say clearly, “As a Bride prepares for her Bridegroom”  to me, as a directive.

 I didn’t take that in a human sense of preparing for a human groom, tho I suppose if I’m prepared for my Heavenly Bridegroom, then I’d also be prepared for an earthly groom as well…          But…     No, the sense was following Him deeper into the purifying process that a Bride of His ancient culture went thru.  Baths and Oils and Mother relationships and having one’s space and environment  “in order”, lamps trimmed, oil on reserve, wedding gown of pure white linen prepared for the call of the Shofar announcing the coming of the groom.
I’ll be honest to say, I’m not even sure where to start, and so, like last year, when He directed me to “Let go”, I have to ask Him, “Show me how!” 😀  And, I know He will.  I know, given the events of the last year and how He answered last year’s question – that 3 months from now, I’ll be able to look back and say, “Oh, Wow!! Look how He led me, “as the Bride prepares for her Bridegroom!” Step by Step, each building on the other, How incredible is He!”  (Start with the blog entry  roughly here, which was part of the first step, each weekend, building on the previous…, https://shakamboqer.wordpress.com/2011/11/03/time-to-dance/ and read forward till December’s posts to see the details of last year’s journey) For now I’m just surrendering to keep putting my feet, one in front of the other, as He leads.

So, last night, as the shofars sounded in celebration of the Feast of Trumpets,

as the harmonies lifted, the message for me personally, for this year, was;

“THE Bridegroom, Yeshua, Cometh!!”

Already, since the beginning of the 6th month, He’s poured out sooo many blessings, that have truly prepared and cleansed my heart. Not in the traditional sense that we think of – when we think of the cleansing that comes in the 40 days of Repentance leading up to the fast of the Day of Atonement… not in the rending of heart, sack cloth and ashes, 21 day cleanse type of cleansing…  but in the gifts for my heart which have been gentle cleansing and soothing salve for the wounds still in the process of healing.   Two weekends in a row on Mountain Balds, Two weeks on the beach, many dances, hikes, and most of all, beautiful conversations in person and by phone or chat, with so many dear friends, new and old, & family members, including those “Mother relationships” of the bride’s preparations ; all of which have been nothing but “Pure Gift.”

Tonight, as I was thinking about the gift of these friendships, I was reminded of the closing paragraphs of the Chapter titled “The Grand Affair”  in John Eldredge’s original printing of the book, “Desire”, titled, Journey of Desire, where he writes,

“What is vital for us to grasp now, Willard says, is simply this, “The life we now have as the persons we now are will continue in the universe in which we now exist.” By all means we shall know each other’s name, not if, but when we see each other in God’s great kingdom. We’ll hold each other’s hands, and far better than that. The naked intimacy, the real knowing that we enjoy with God, we shall enjoy with each other. George MacDonald wrote, “I think we shall be able to pass into and through each other’s very souls as we please, knowing each other’s thoughts and being, along with our own, and so, being like God.” Brent used to call it multiple intimacy without promiscuity. It is what the ancients meant by the COMMUNION OF SAINTS. All the joy that awaits us in the sea of God’s love will be multiplied over and over as we share with each other in the Grand Affair.
John Donne captures this beautifully:

      All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book,but  translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated; God employs several translators; some pieces translated by age, some by sickness, some by war, some by justice; but God’s hand is in every translation; and his hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again, for that library where every book shall lie open to one another.

Imagine the stories that we’ll hear. And all the questions that shall finally have answers. …  And the answers won’t be one-word answers, but story after story, a feast of wonder and laughter and glad tears.

The setting for this will be a great party, the wedding feast of the Lamb.  Now, you’ve got to get images of Baptist receptions entirely out of your mind – folks milling around in the church gym, holding Styrofoam cups of punch, wondering what to do with themselves. You’ve got to picture an Italian wedding, or better , a Jewish wedding. They roll up the rugs and push back the furniture. There is dancing: “Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men, and old as well” (Jer 31:13 NIV)  There is feasting: “On this mountain Yehovah Almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples” (Isa 25:6 NIV) (Can you imagine what kind of cook God must be? And there is drinking – the feast God says he is preparing includes, “a banquet of aged wine – the best of meats and the finest of wines.” In fact, at his Last Supper our Bridegroom said he will not drink of “the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes” (Luke 22:18 NIV) Then, He’ll pop a cork.

And the people came together

and the people came to dance

and they danced like a wave upon the sea. (Yeats) “

Oh, what a day!!!  If the fellowship we have here, now, is as beautiful as it is, how much more lovely will that day be?!

My prayer, this season is:

 Yehovah, Prepare me, as the Bride for You, the Bridegroom.

I surrender to whatever You have for me in this season.

To the cleansing, the purifying, the refining, the surrender.

 Show me how;  give strength where it is needed,

humility also, wisdom, courage…

and the willingness to just rest

in the midst of milk baths and anointing oils and wedding dress creating.

In the midst of wound cleansing, healing salve applications.

To neither move ahead of you, nor run away in fear of my weaknesses.

But to surrender all of me, my hopes and dreams, my emotions and passions

my weaknesses and failures, my striving and planning

into Your faithfulness and Love.

Thru the gifts of others, You’ve given me the gift of permission to be Woman

Create me now, to be the the true Beauty that You ordained

Before the World began!

May I fully reflect the glory You have for me to Reflect!

Show me how best to work with, or just BE with You in the process of Becoming…

That process of Becoming the Beloved.

I dedicate my All to You, for I will follow you all the Days of my Life!

My Lover, and My King, My Redeemer and my Friend, My Creator and Protector

Yahshua, my Messiah

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He Responds:

Hosea 2:16 “But now I am going to woo her —
I will bring her out to the desert
and I will speak to her heart.
17 I will give her her vineyards from there
and the Akhor Valley as a gateway to hope.

(side note: Achan was stoned in the Akhor Valley)

She will respond there as she did when young,
as she did when she came up from Egypt. (out of bondage & slavery)

18 “On that day,” says Yehovah
“you will call me Ishi [My Husband];
you will no longer call me Ba‘ali [My Master].
19 For I will remove the names
of the ba‘alim from her mouth;
they will never again be mentioned by name.
20 When that day comes, I will make
a covenant for them
with the wild animals, the birds in the air
and the creeping things of the earth.
I will break bow and sword,
sweep battle from the land,
and make them lie down securely.
21 I will betroth you to me forever;
yes, I will betroth you to me
in righteousness, in justice,
in grace and in compassion;
22 I will betroth you to me in faithfulness,
and you will know Yehovah.
23 When that day comes,
I will answer,” says Yehovah
“I will answer the sky,
and it will answer the earth;
24 the earth will answer the corn, wine and oil,
and they will answer Yizre‘el [God will sow].
25 I will sow her for me in the land.
I will have pity on Lo-Ruchamah [Unpitied];
I will say to Lo-‘Ammi [Not-My-People], ‘You are my people’;
and they will say, ‘You are my God.’”

May the Season of Yehovah’s Fall Feasts be a full of Rich Blessings for you each, whether you are in the midst of the sackcloth and ashes of Repentance or the Milk Baths and Fragrant oils of the Bridal Preparations, or somewhere in between – for instance, in the midst of the Wilderness, needing Him to Tabernacle with you as you feel your way to the next step ahead in blind faith!  Shalom, Shalom!!

j

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“Alive!” – A memorial to the Faithfulness of Yehovah!

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The following video is a memorial to Yehovah.

If you’ve read my blog, you know that one year ago this past weekend, Sept 9, 2011, events happened in my personal life that would forever change my life.  That day, as I was reeling in emotional pain and turmoil,  I could not have imagined the beautiful ways in which Yehovah would be Husband, Provider, Lover, Friend and Restoration to me in the coming months as I let my husband go to the consequences of his choices, moved from my home to my father’s home, and tried to move toward a semblance of normal life.  One year later, my heart is full and overflowing!  He has absolutely been my everything this year!  HalleluYah!!!!!

If playing this just on computer speakers, you’ll need to turn the volume up!!!
Enjoy, and Praise Him with me!!!

 

 

The songs used as background are used with full permission, from my longtime friend, Grant Andrew & band, The Scattered Minstrels.   Please humor me, while I do a little PR for them.  😀
The first and last song, “Keeping You Alive”, was written in response to the pain within my family.  He posted the lyrics & note below on Sept 16, 2011.  The audio is a recording from their live, outdoor concert held June 3, 2012 (hence the reference to flies in his intro, and the need to turn up the volume on your speakers).
The  second song, “Coming Alive” can be found on his album, Deep Brewed Life, found here: http://www.deepbrewedlife.com/
You can listen or purchase the album on iTunes or Here, at Reverbnation:
http://www.reverbnation.com/grantandrew
Please take a moment to like his public page found here, on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Grant-Andrew/295294477157613

Okay… Last but not least, Grant’s original post of

“Keeping You Alive”
Friday, Sept 16, 2011

“Funny thing…social media is like birds – when something bad goes down, it gets real quiet. Last week, a meteor hit my Facebook family. It’s underwraps still, but suffice it to say a family is breaking into pieces. So am I. All I know how to do in these times is write, songs. So for everyone in this situation and not, I pray these words are a reminder of a life beyond this, not later, deeper. :

I can’t imagine what it feels like

so I won’t try to say

But it broke my heart in pieces

The news I heard the other day

I can’t speak for Almighty

But I’ve had my share of pain

And when I’ve listened through my tears

This is what I’ve heard Him say

I am the God of restoration

I love the human heart

There’s nothing in a broken world

That can pull you from my arms

Sure there’s pain in your story

But I held you while we cried

Someday you’ll see the whole truth

And know I’m on your side

Even now

my love is keeping you alive

All the brokenness we’re born with

All the brokenness we make

All the time that we spend mending

Just to watch the picture break

It’s tempting to say “figures,

I was just born to live in pain”

But you know there’s more than losing

In a God who knows your name

I am the God of restoration

I love the human heart

There’s nothing in a broken world

That can pull you from my arms

Sure there’s pain in your story

But I held you while we cried

Someday you’ll see the whole truth

And know I’m on your side

Even now

my love is keeping you alive

My mind wanders ‘cross the years

It’s hard to miss the loss

Makes you wonder if the time you gave

Was really worth the cost

But love that is invested

Counts here and beyond

So real life is never wasted

And real hope is never gone

I am the God of restoration

I love the human heart

There’s nothing in a broken world

That can pull you from my arms

Sure there’s pain in your story

But I held you while we cried

Someday you’ll see the whole truth

And know I’m on your side

Even now

my love is keeping you alive”

Dancing on the Beach … gallery 1

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A series of pictures taken today… Happiness 😀

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Permission to be Woman

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I’ve seriously debated whether to publish this blog, but as I’ve told the story a few times, I find it blessing the hearers, encouraging them to step out and be all they’ve been created to be.  So, with my friends, and readers’ hearts in mind, I choose to risk, and share my story….

I grew up in the mountains of NC, running barefoot in the grass, playing in the creek, making mudpies along it’s edge.  I caught my first fish at about 6, and was disecting my Dad’s catches by 12.  I was also slight of build, lithe and delicate, sensitive of heart and keen on watching the undercurrents in those around me. I loved reading, and mud and playing with my mom’s old high school banquet dresses equally.  I was all girl, and yet very much a mountain woods child.
Until…

Abuse from older peers taught me that being a girl was a liability. Being attractive came with a cost; and hurt – Deeply. Must cover all attract-ability up at all costs.  Any interest from boys was met with disdain. Cat whistles caused me to bristle in anger.

Then, my grandpa, in a bid to protect me from the darkness of the closets of his family’s past, asked me to be his grandson, on my 12th or 13th birthday.  He said he didn’t have any grandsons, and it didn’t look like he would have any very soon (When he died last month, there were two, both under 21.)  Would I be His tomboy?  I agreed. And in agreeing, I agreed to prove that I was a boy, not a girl. The next dress up party I attended, I wore a suit and rather dapper hat of my dad’s rather than my usual favorite dress from the back of Momma’s closet.  Now when I went running thru the woods, I reveled in the scratches on my arms from the briars.  They were my badge of courage. They were the mark that I could “take it like a man”  – I could take the pain.

During those first few years of early adolescent, these messages tore into my feminine psyche and caused me to hide away inside. I made much better friends with the boys, but, in High School I still had to figure out the world of girls and dating, and how to handle boys’ attentions without completely freaking out.  Add to that a dress code of skirts or dresses in my private boarding school, and there was only so much I could do to hide. I learned to flirt, but stay at arms distance.
The blessing of that very awkward time of my life, were the words of my dear aunt, who’d struggled with the same messages, just much deeper.  “I used to hate being a girl too, and then I realized that as a girl I was blessed, because I could dress up in a beautiful gown, put on makeup and be a pretty girl, or I could pull on a pair of jeans and go riding, or tree climbing. We girls are lucky, cause we can do both… Boys can’t. ”  I clung to that and tried, desperately, to learn to enjoy dressing up again, but it was only enjoyable when I was with friends I trusted with myself – a good guy friend at my side helped tremendously.  In a crowd of strangers, it was terror, tho I’m not sure anyone ever knew what was going on in my head.

I married shortly after highschool, and for many years hid behind baggy clothes, often his, or work clothes. Finally, shortly after Aiden was 2, I broke agreements regarding my heart for dance, and began working out and attending ballet class – This gave me the courage to wear “active wear” – more tight fitting, but still with the “hardened, fit and trim” exterior.

In March 2007, I attended a Captivating Retreat in Colorado. Here is my story following one of the sessions:
Next meeting – “ Beneath every Fallen Eve is a wounded little girl”
“In order to heal- we have to go back to those wounded places and let Jesus walk with us in that….
1.Invite Jesus in – Rev 3:20 – I stand at the door and knock…
2.Break agreements we made out of the wounds
3.Cry… forgive…
4.Ask Jesus to heal us, to speak truth to us, to heal our shattered hearts and turn us into a stained glass masterpiece. “

During this time of silence, Wonderful Counselor and I covered a lot of little wounds that added up to some ugly agreements and he gave me the truths:
The lies…………………………………………………. The truths
I’m not wanted…………………………………. I am wanted, desired.
I’m too much……………………………………. I am me, and me is okay – just enough
…………………………………………………….. & my needs have permission to be needs
…………………………………………………….. & and permission to be filled.
I’m in the way ……………………………….. I’m not in the way, and don’t need to hide.
Being a girl isn’t acceptable…………….. ….Being a woman is not just good – but Excellent
A woman has no right to her own …………. I have the right to my body, to say “No”
body, to safety, to say “No”……………………. and to expect safety.

Then something funny happened – Well, I didn’t think it was funny at first – it hurt like hell. I was sitting on the platform of a small playground ramp/slide. To get to the top, I had to duck under a 2 x 4 support beam. I forgot a pen, so went to get one, and on returning completely nailed my forehead squarely on the beam, causing my forehead to bleed, my head to ache and my back to whiplash. As I sat crying, reeling in pain, I asked God, “Why does this always happened to me? Why have I no sense of personal space, so that I slam my fingers into car doors; open cabinets, then run into them; walk into counters, etc.?”

And He brought me to this agreement – likely a generational curse (from the sexual abuse history of my forefathers):
“As a woman, I deserve to be hurt, to be punished and if I am hurt, and can suck it up, then I’m more man than woman, and that’s good because men are acceptable, woman aren’t. Thru Pain, I prove that I have what it takes to be a man.”

The truth He asked me to write:
“ I don’t deserve pain, or hurt, because I am Your Child, I deserve grace, love, gentleness and compassion. I don’t need to suck it up. I am a beautiful woman. I can allow pain to overwhelm me. I don’t have to have it all together. I am not, and needn’t be, a man. I am a woman – full of feminine grace, beauty and in need of Your rescue, Your fighting for me. It’s okay for me to be weak.”

The humor is that it took being hit upside the head with a 2 X 4 to see and break this 😀 ”

In the years that followed, my pain tolerance dropped, significantly. I do not handle pain as I once did!  Half of the attack on my femininity had been renounced… but there was more.

There was still the message that being feminine, being attractive, being beautiful was a devastating liability. There was still the absolute bristling when a man took a second look at the figure that, following the birth of two boys, is decidedly woman.
With this message had also come the keeping of two sets of boundaries in the presence of men. There are my boundaries  – the way I relate to men – what I say, how I say it, how I touch, how I don’t touch.  And there are Their boundaries. Years of life had taught me that men don’t keep their boundaries well. They don’t offer their strength to the world by holding good boundaries of respect for women and other centered love. Many of them really just want personal gratification, and if using a woman can accomplish that goal, all bets are off.  It’s not always sexual. Sometimes it’s words of affirmation, or flirtation, or belittling so they can feel bigger, or even crumbs of touch that they are looking for.  However, sexual is generally where they were headed… And so, I kept their boundaries too.  I made sure they didn’t even think they could come looking to me for any of it. That, dear reader, is exhausting because I was always on the defensive! I’d come away from interacting with particularly needy men, utterly spent from having been both the woman, and the man in the relationship.  Frankly, I found it easier to just not interact.  Make momentary, “don’t you even think about it” eye contact, then look away and keep going.  With my close friends it was a bit easier, but still, there were some that always needed that double boundary.

However, in my marriage I began to allow myself to grow into my femininity… I painted my house colors I liked when we moved to Blackberry cottage – textured green in the living room that made my heart rest with Shalom, bright yellow in the darker rooms of the house where the sun didn’t shine, and rich rose gold with deep burgundy trim in the bedroom – royal, warm colors that reflected my heart… , I began to dance ballet – in class, at home, anywhere the mood hit, I started adding more dresses to my wardrobe, and wearing them around my family and closest friends on days other than to church and back.

And then, last year, what I believed to be a safe place no longer was, and the message was again restated – as a woman, you are an easy victim, even in marriage, to the man’s perceived and potentially violent “need”.

Being woman is a deadly liability.

Interestingly, YHVH didn’t let that message lodge in my heart any deeper than to see that,

“No, I was not safe in my marriage either, and it was time to let go.”

Singlehood brings its own set of challenges to a woman in her 3o’s…  The circumstances of my leaving also necessitated a space to process, safely, and so I started a closed blog. Only very Close friends of the heart and Spirit were given access as I hammered out my anger, and hurt and deeply intimate struggle with my new normal. I was careful in the stating, but very honest.  One of my readers said to me, “I have no idea what men are on this blog, but I’d feel uncomfortable if my husband were to read it. Maybe you should be more careful.”
So, I wrote the 3 couples who had access… “I want to respect your marriages and support them in every way possible.  I don’t want to cause issues, I don’t want to be a liability for you!  How do you feel about what I’m writing? Do I need to censor it for your sakes?”
All three men came back and said, “No, write what you need to write. We will take care of ourselves. You are not a liability, we will set our own boundaries.” One of the wives said, “Please, keep writing.  You seem to be saying things that I can’t get thru to him.  It helps our marriage. I value our friendship and I love your honesty.”

These men, my brothers, LONG time friends, didn’t realize it. I didn’t realize it. But, in saying that they would hold their own boundaries (so that I didn’t have to) they offered their masculine strength in such a way as to give me permission. Permission to be a girl. To be a woman, to be feminine, to risk being attractive inside and out, to not cover up the beauty YHVH created within me. Within my closest circle of friends, I was given this beautiful gift.  I could be, fully, and completely, ME.  No hiding. Just because 3 dear brothers said, “We’ll be the men here, we’ll take care of whatever emotions or temptations or thoughts we have. We’ll be responsible for us. You just be you.”

In May, I had the conversation I wrote about in “The Sovereignty of Yehovah” .  It brought an unexpected, additional gift, One I didn’t clearly see till just two weeks ago, much less name.  It was a conversation with 3 other people, one who had once been divorced and single with kids, and the other two single, one man, one woman.  We were talking about looking for spouses, about looking only within Abba’s house. Then the man offered his thoughts, his surrender, his choice.  I don’t believe we’d ever spoken more than a “good evening”. In fact, thinking of it, we were never introduced really… So, for all intent and purposes, he was a stranger to me.  Not quite, cause we’d fellowshipped within the group enough times that I knew the Spirit of Yehovah was within – but still, I didn’t know him.
He said, something close to, “I’m not just looking for someone from Abba’s house, but I’m waiting on Abba to make His choice clear by unity of Spirit.  I want there to be unity of  Spirit first, before there is unity of anything else.”  Later, when we were talking about boundaries, and interacting, he said he used to be a flirt, but has since changed, and doesn’t really interact with women, except out of courtesy or fellowship.  Because we had fellowshipped within a group several times, I knew this to be true, I knew he was neither flirt nor rude.

Men, you don’t know what power you wield when you hold your own boundaries!

What this “stranger” offered to me, was permission. It was the gift of Him holding His boundaries, so I didn’t have to. I could just hold mine (which in that same conversation, he encouraged me to as I shared my utter unsureness at relating to men after 18 years in a relationship).  I could be me. I could be woman, in the world at large, in fellowship with other believers, and in the greater world of “strangers”. Permission to be a girl, to drop the agreement that being woman was a dangerous liability.

He’s no longer a stranger, we’ve spent time with mutual friends – time which solidified the permission.  Because He’d stated his boundaries, because I’d seen the evidence as he interacts with the women in our fellowship,  I’ve been able to stay “at ease”; to have a conversation with he & a couple of my dearest friends, and eventually give back a bit of the gift, and not feel that nasty knot in the pit of my stomach which so often happens for me in the presence of men. I haven’t had to hold two sets of boundaries!!! and that’s given me courage and for other relationships and interactions with men.

So, in the past  six months, my dearest brothers gave me the gift to be fully Woman in the intimacy of deep friendships.

A new Brother has given me the gift to be Woman & Daughter of YHVH in the world at large.

The lies and agreements once made are dropping.

I’m emerging as the Princess of the Most High that He created me to be.

 It is good!!

I’m just finding my sea legs in this walk. I feel out of sorts often. I still feel tongue tied and awkward a lot. I too, have flirted my way thru life – as I’d learned in High School that it was an easy way to navigate the difficult relationships, so I’m relearning.  My boundaries are now my own, between me and Yehovah, rather than based on my marriage, so communicating them is a learning curve  I struggle, deeply still, with making eye contact. Friendly, engaging, connected eye contact that translates neither “go to hell” nor “I want”… I feel a bit like a toddler, just learning to walk, clumsy, and unsure…  But I know Abba will catch me when I do fall, and He will be here even when I’ve grown in the full stature of who He created me to be!
I’m sure I’ll find a more balanced center – but, for now, I’m loving packing 3/4 of my dresses for a two week trip, all of my jewelry, and entire duffle bag of shoes (Including boots… even for the beach, where, mostly, it’s barefoot time) and every hat I own. I’ve climbed two mountains with backpack, helped build two fires,  strolled thru several fields, crossed a river, done the mundane housework and of course, walked & danced the beach – all in a dress or skirt & blouse. It’s deeply good for my heart!

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The week I came to be able to name what had happened, I posted the following picture and caption on Facebook.

I’ve long lived with this fear, literally. It stopped me from being all that YHVH had created me to be as a woman. Over the course of the last 5 years, but especially in the last 6 mos, YHVH has freed me from this fear, by way of dear brother’s who unknowingly offered “permission to be me” by offering their strength as Godly men in beautiful yet humble ways. Thank you Sirs! and Praise YHVH!!!

I want to dedicate this blog to the good men in my life –

My Daddy – who holds his own boundaries well, showing me it can be done, giving me hope for the men in the world – My daddy who loves me, and hugs me and holds my heart gently ;

My dear, close Brothers who love and encourage and share and bless with their masculine, God given strength and words and support – who call or write or text just to let me know that they are in my corner and would do anything they could to help me;

My new Brother in Yeshua, who’s offered his strength and delight and presence and grace as I learn this new way to walk.

Thank you, dear Sirs, for being Yeshua with Skin on.

For Holding your own boundaries, and in so doing for giving me permission to no longer hide, but to be me, to be Feminine, to be Woman.

I am, deeply grateful to you all;

and to YHVH who created me – woman, and you – men!!
HalleluYah!!

Happy New Moon!!! Rosh Chodesh & Chag Same’ach

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The new moon of the 6th month has been sighted in Israel, and even tho, the cloud cover here is really too great for us to spot it, I want to take a moment to celebrate, Wish you all a Happy Festival and New Month, blow the shofar and welcome this 6th month on the Creator’s Calendar in!

The new moon on August 19, 2012 sighted from Kfar Eldad at 7:40pm.
Photo by Yoel Halevi of Hebrew in Israel.

The above shofar blast doesn’t have much of a photo to it, as I just sat my android on the porch rail… But here’s what the view looked like at the time 🙂

In honor of the Sighting of the New Moon of the 6th month, and the beginning of the 40 days of Repentance; looking forward to the Next New Moon, which will begin the Feast of Trumpets – I offer this blog “Potatoes & the Moon”, written last year, but still just as applicable to today! Enjoy!!! :D”

https://shakamboqer.wordpress.com/2011/08/25/potatoes-the-moon/

One more picture of tonight’s sunset.

A friend just shared this article, from a Jewish Sister, on the beauty & depth contained just in the name of this month!! Beautiful, and such a lovely connection to Repentance as we begin the 40 days of Repentance!

http://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/424441/jewish/The-Jewish-Heart.htm

Take time to read it!!   :Heart: